For you urban professionals, playing Mozart for your designer baby will not improve his/her IQ or help get into that exclusive pre-school! Of course, we're all better off for listening to Mozart purely for the pleasure of it. However, one wonders what might happen if other composers were played in their developmental time instead?
Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.
Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.
Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.
Child continually screams - at great length and volume that he's dying.
Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Child blames people for their inability to understand him.
Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child doesn't care because all his playmates think he's cool.
Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate
conversations at once.
Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the pre-school.
Child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.
And then of course,
THE CAGE EFFECT -- CHILD SAYS NOTHING FOR 4 MINUTES, 33 SECONDS.
PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS. (with acknowledgements)